Then and Now
by joiedevivre2011
Summary: It had originally begun about eleven months ago. And this is how it was all turning out. [A what-if about Jane and Maura secretly being together, but Jane refusing to come out and Maura refusing to be hidden away. Inspired by the song Where Are You Now? by Mumford & Sons. Very angsty at first!]
1. Chapter 1

Short-ish angsty Rizzles fic inspired by the song _Where Are You Now?_ by Mumford & Sons.

* * *

It had originally begun about eleven months ago. So much sneaking around. Clandestine lovemaking and also just fucking. Quickies in well-hidden areas at work (mostly Maura's private bathroom). "Sleepovers" at each other's houses.

On the surface, nothing had changed. Nothing had appeared any different to the people around them. They had still been Jane Rizzoli, decorated BPD Homicide Detective, and Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. They had still spent all their free time together as usual – dining out, ordering in, being touchy-feely with each other, hanging out, going to the movies...

Even to their family and friends, they had seriously been the same exact people. When they were alone, however, they were the very best of lovers.

About a month in, Maura had admitted that her feelings had grown into full-blown love, from the initial strong feelings, burning desire, and physical attraction.

A week later, Jane had confessed she felt the same way. "But I'm not ready to tell people, Maura," Jane had said.

A month after, Maura had hinted at the subject again. "Do you ever think you could come out?" Maura had questioned.

"I'm just not ready yet, okay? It will change everything for us. I just can't right now," Jane had replied.

Five months in, Maura and Jane had had an all out screaming match at Jane's apartment because Maura had lost her cool.

"Jane, dammit! I want to tell the whole world that I love you! I want to spend the rest of my life with you! Why are you so afraid to tell anyone about us?!" Maura had shouted.

Jane had stepped forward to gather Maura in her arms in an effort calm her, but Maura had shoved her away, frustrated and blood-red angry.

"Maura!" Jane had pleaded, stepping toward her again. "I just...please! I need more time. Another month or two and that's it!" She'd had tears in her eyes.

"I can't keep doing this."

"Soon, baby. I swear," she'd said, pulling Maura to her and wrapping her arms tight around the smaller woman.

"A month. That's it."

A month later, however, Jane had still refused, claiming she just needed more time. She'd been stressed out because of a new case.

"No! No more. You obviously aren't ready to be with me, Jane," Maura had replied fiercely. "I won't do this anymore. I value myself too much to let you hide me away so you can keep playing your little life of heterosexual charades!"

Jane had been shocked – too shocked to reply. The look in Maura's eyes had held a mixture of both defeat and spite. It had scared her, honestly.

"I'm sad, Jane," Maura had cried. "I am so sad that no one will ever know about the love we've had. Sad that you won't let anyone _know _about the love we've shared."

By that point, Jane had started crying herself. When Maura pulled away, Jane had pleaded, "Please, Maur!" had choked back a sob, but couldn't get any other words out.

Hot tears had streamed down Maura's face. "Let me go, Jane. Just let me go."

* * *

The next day, Jane had actually called in sick. When she'd returned the following day, she came in to find that Maura had resigned from her post, claiming medical reasons, and Frost and Korsak had pounced on her immediately for the scoop.

"I don't know a goddamn thing about it," Jane had growled and, pivoting on the heel of her boot, had turned right around and walked out of the bullpen.

Frost and Korsak had both been stunned at Jane's reaction, but were hardly convinced that Jane was out of the loop.

The female detective's behavior had been a clear indicator that she knew exactly what was going on with Maura. But the two also knew they'd never get a peep out of Jane if she didn't want them knowing. So in the dark they had remained.

After three months of Maura being gone, the fiery pain that consumed Jane inside had transitioned into a dull ache, a sad longing.

She thought of Maura often, many times a day, and she simultaneously wanted to smile and burst into tears. She knew that Maura had not left Boston, though. Various mutual friends had spotted the strawberry blonde on several occasions, and many of them had even spoken to her in their encounters. If either they or Maura mentioned Jane, they never said so to Jane.

She always asked how Maura seemed to be doing. She never elaborated on her own feelings toward the updates, but she always thanked whomever relayed the information they had gained and went on about her business.

Sometimes they spoke of a happy Maura, smiling and laughing. Other times, though, while Maura was smiling, they recalled a distinct sadness they found in her hazel eyes.

Jane wondered exactly what Maura was doing. She imagined Maura had picked up something with her family's foundation, or maybe she'd managed to find a position teaching at one of the local universities. Jane decided not to go out of her way to find out.

Maura hadn't sold her home, either; in fact, she'd left Angela in charge of keeping up with the house as necessary. Jane assumed Maura had purchased an upscale apartment in an equally nice neighborhood.

Some days Jane thought about calling her, if her number was still in fact the same, but she had no idea what she could say to make it all better. She knew what she _wanted _to say, but figured none of it wouldn't make any difference at this point.

Every night, though, when she laid in her bed, she wondered if Maura did the same, thinking of her, and thought about what she'd do differently if she ever got a chance to make it all right.

* * *

This is probably crap, but it's been bugging me for about 2 weeks, so I wanted to post it to see what everyone thought. If it is, in fact, crap, I'll just take it down. haha


	2. Chapter 2

Nobody ever guessed what the song was, so I updated a few things in the first chapter. I hadn't planned on writing a second chapter, but after being accused of being cruel and mean to our babies, I decided I too have a heart and must make things right. Here's the start of that.

A/N: I feel like my writing for this story is just off - and maybe it's because it's not pure smut like most of my other stuff. I don't know. I feel like I'm being erratic and inconsistent with my timeline. If anything seems off, please let me know so I can fix it! I want you to have the best reading experience possible.

* * *

It had been roughly five months since she'd last seen Maura, eleven months since everything had started.

Jane thought she saw her former lover jogging in the Common along Boylston. It was about 6pm, but still very light outside. She reflexively ducked down behind a nearby parked car, hoping she'd not been seen, as maybe-Maura had been running toward her. She stayed down for several minutes, waiting for her to make sure she had passed.

But just thinking that she'd seen Maura brought everything rushing back and suddenly she couldn't breathe. Her heart felt like it was cracking open again (not that it had ever really healed to start with) and it all finally came pouring out. She choked back a sob, the back of her hand over her mouth, balled in a fist.

Less than 20 minutes later, she showed up at her mother's – still Maura's guesthouse – for the first time in months. Tears were streaming down her face.

Her mother opened the door in a panic after Jane pounded on it several times.

"Janie?" Her mother was shocked as she took in her daughter's appearance. "Oh honey, what happened? Oh my god, did something happen to Frankie? Or Tommy?"

Jane took in a shuddered breath and kept crying, but shook her head no.

Angela pulled her into a hug and Jane just clung to her, sobbing.

"Baby, what happened?" her mother asked in a soft voice.

"I fucked it up, Ma. I ruined the best thing I've ever had in my entire life and nobody ever even knew it!"

Angela pulled Jane back to look at her face. "Maura?" was all she asked.

Jane nodded and the tears started again. "It's all my fault she's gone! It's all my fault!"

Leading Jane into the house, they both went to the sofa and sat down. Angela turned herself toward Jane and put her hands on top of Jane's, which were resting in her lap. "Did you and Maura get into a fight? That's why she left?"

Jane hung her head in shame.

Angela saw the tears fall, landing on Jane's jeans.

"You and Maura were together, weren't you?" her mother asked quietly.

Jane looked up, her cheeks stained with so many tears.

"How long?"

"Six months," Jane whispered.

"And that's why she left? Because you broke up?"

"Well yes and no," Jane replied before sighing. "She left because I kept refusing to make us public," she explained, dropping her head again.

"Why?"

"I was afraid."

"Of?"

"I was afraid everyone would hate me for loving a woman. I thought _you_ would hate me, Ma. We're Catholic, so I just kinda thought people would be...I dunno," Jane shrugged, still looking down at her lap.

Angela cupped Jane's chin and forced her daughter to look at her. "Jane Clementine Rizzoli, where did I fail to make sure you knew that I would love you no matter what? Nothing could ever make me stop loving you, Jane. Absolutely nothing. Do you understand that?"

"I miss her, Ma. And god, I just...I need her. My life doesn't make any sense without her, which is so stupid and makes me sound like a teenager, but it's _true_! But she won't ever speak to me again."

"Have you tried?"

Jane was silent and looked down yet again.

"Look, baby. You got yourself in this mess by being a coward. Are you really going to keep this up?"

"I don't even know if her number's the same. We haven't had any contact at all."

"It is. She left me a voicemail last week about someone coming to clean the outside of the house."

"But she's not going to answer, because she knows my number!" Jane pleaded.

"Use my cell phone. She'll answer. She'll be mad at me for it, but she'll get over it," Angela reasoned.

"Ma, I can't..." Jane started.

"Call her. Right now," Angela said sternly. She pulled her cell phone from her back pocket and put it in Jane's hands.

Jane sat there with the phone in her hands for a minute or so, just staring at it. Finally, she dialed Maura's number and Maura's name popped up on the screen. She touched the send button.

After two rings, Maura answered slightly out of breath, but cheerfully, "Hi Angela! How are you?"

Jane felt like her vocal chords were broken. Her mother pinched her leg, causing her to let out a squeak.

"Hello, Angela? Are you ok–"

"It's Jane."

Silence on the other end. Then a sigh. "What do you want, Jane?" Her tone indicated that she was very reluctant to talk – much different from the tone she'd had while answering the phone.

"C-can we talk? In person? I know I don't deserve it, Maura, but if you'll _please_ just listen to what I have to say–"

Maura's reply was quick and firm, "I'll be there at Angela's in an hour."

The line went dead.

* * *

Please let me know what you think!


	3. Chapter 3

I don't know that I've ever updated a story this quickly. For some reason, this one is just pouring out of me (in comparison to the other WIPs I have). While I'm sorry that my chapters are shorter, it allows me to write faster. The thought of writing longer chapters is daunting, which stems from my college days, and makes me kinda panicky. I'm sorry!

But thank you all SOOOO much for your reviews. I'm actually kinda shocked at how "popular" this fic has been, but I'm very excited and incredibly grateful about the feedback!

This chapter ended up going somewhere even *I* wasn't expecting even as the writer, until I literally got to the end! But I have a pretty good plan, I think. Just trust me.

* * *

Jane swallowed hard and put her hands in her lap, gripping the phone. Her face was pale.

"Jane, are you okay? What did she say?"

"She's coming over in an hour," Jane replied quietly. She looked up at her mother and fresh tears began to form.

Angela took the phone from Jane's hands and set it on the coffee table. She put her hands back over Jane's and squeezed gently. "Go wash your face off. Come back and I'll make you a drink."

Jane groaned and then brought her hands up to her face, dragging them down over it. "Make it scotch. On the rocks," Jane replied as she stood up to head toward the half-bathroom tucked away under the stairs.

"I will not. You should be completely sober for this."

Jane signed and headed off to the bathroom, grumbling, "But I'd rather be fucking drunk."

Approximately 58 minutes later, there was a knock at the door.

Angela opened it to a casually dressed Maura, yoga pants and top casual. She stepped back to let the younger woman inside.

"Just so you know, I'm going out for a bit to get some groceries. I should be back in about an hour or so."

"Angela, you don't have to leave just because –" Maura protested.

"Nonsense," Angela replied. "I need things for breakfast tomorrow. I'll see you in a bit." Angela grabbed her keys and headed out the door.

Maura turned around to find Jane sitting on the couch. Their eyes met and they spoke at the same time.

"Jane –"

"Maura –"

Maura moved to sit beside Jane and they turned toward each other, their knees almost touching.

Jane looked down at her hands in her lap. "I thought I saw you running earlier in the Common," she stated softly.

"You did. I saw you hide behind a car," Maura replied with a sad smile.

"I almost had a panic attack and then I showed up here, crying and almost hyperventilating," Jane confessed. "Ma was totally freaked because she thought something had happened to Frankie or Tommy or something."

She looked up with tears brimming in her eyes and met Maura's gaze. "I'm sorry, okay? I, I just...Fuck!" A tear escaped down her cheek and she swiped furiously at it. "I screwed up big time and I know that Jesus Christ, do I know that!"

"Jane," Maura interrupted softly.

"God Maura, please don't tell me I'm too late. Please," Jane pleaded, tears streaming down her face. "_Please _don't tell me it's too late and you've gotten over me." She sobbed.

The blonde urged, "Jane, stop."

At these words, Jane broke down even harder.

Maura took Jane's hands in hers and squeezed them lightly. "Jane," she said forcefully. "Stop it!"

Surprised, Jane looked up at Maura, who had tears in her eyes. "I'm not even sure it's possible to get over you. Believe me, I've been trying. The past five months have been hell for me. I've been a wreck inside. Every time the phone rang, I wanted it to be you. Every time someone knocked on my door, I wanted it to be you – which is just crazy because it's not like you even know where I live now, but you, of all people, would find out somehow. You're a detective, it's what you do for –"

She stopped herself. "I'm sorry. I'm rambling."

"I didn't keep tabs on you, Maura," Jane refuted, a little defensively. "For a lot of reasons, but especially because that's an abuse of my resources."

"No, I mean, I wasn't suggesting that you'd do such a thing, I was just saying that –" Maura replied.

Jane put her finger over Maura's lips to keep her from speaking. "I don't want to be without you, Maura," she whispered. "I know now that I _can't_ be without you. And I'm willing to do whatever I have to to get you back. I only make sense when I'm with you."

"It's not that simple, Jane," Maura replied with a sigh.

"I'm ready now, Maur!" Jane cried. "I was an idiot. I know that now. You know I always have to learn my lesson the hard way. And I've learned it. You, Maura Dorthea Isles, are the best fucking thing that's ever happened to me and I fucked it up. But you're here, which means I must still have the chance to make this right again!"

Maura shot up from the couch. "You can't just decide now that we've been broken up for five months that you want to be with me completely and openly and expect me to come running back to you just like that!" Maura shouted, furious. "It doesn't work that way, Jane!"

"Then tell me how to fix this, Maura, and I'll do it. I don't care what it is," Jane begged, looking up at Maura and taking her hands in her own. "I just want to be _us _again."

"How can I be sure you're serious about it this time?"

Still grasping Maura's hands, Jane slid off the couch and onto one knee. "Marry me. That's how serious I am."

* * *

I KNOW - you hate me right now for stopping right here. But at this rate, there'll be another chapter ridiculously soon (but likely not soon enough for some of you, haha).


	4. Chapter 4

Ok, here we go...

Usual disclaimer, blah blah.

* * *

Maura jerked her hands away from Jane's, and with her right, slapped the kneeling woman hard across the face. "How dare you!"

"Jesus Christ, Maura!" Jane's left hand immediately cupped her stinging cheek and she felt her eyes watering. "What the hell?!"

The blonde took a step backwards as Jane stood up. "How dare you think that after how you treated me and after seeing me for the first time in five months that you can just get down on one knee and _propose_!"

"Maura, I –" Jane started to speak.

Maura interrupted, "No, Jane Rizzoli, I absolutely will not marry you if you seriously think that I would _ever_ say yes under these circumstances! Are you delusional?" Maura growled. "We aren't even together anymore!"

Jane grabbed Maura's hands again. "So does that mean you'd say yes under a different circumstance?"

"That is not my point, Jane," Maura protested, pulling her hands away again and stepping back from Jane. "What I mean is tonight is the first time we've had any contact in _five months_ and you think proposing to me in the middle of an argument will resolve everything?"

Jane stepped forward, closing the gap Maura had just created. "And _my_ point," Jane touched her own chest for emphasis, "is to try to get you to understand just how serious I am. I love you, Maura Isles, and right now I want nothing more than the whole fucking world to know!"

"I'm still not saying yes!" Maura shot back.

"Fine! But one day, would you? If we started dating again, properly, _openly_, would you marry me one day?" Jane asked, grasping Maura's hands.

Maura desperately cried, "I can't answer that right now!"

"Well then will you just do one thing for me right now?" Jane requested.

"Depends on what it is," Maura replied hesitantly.

"Kiss me like I know you've wanted to since the second you walked through that door."

Maura stepped back from Jane, letting go of her hands and running her right hand through her hair. "Jane, I'm not sure that's a good idea right now."

Jane closed the gap between them once more. "Why not?"

Tears threatening to fall, Maura looked Jane in the eyes. "Because if I kiss you right now, I don't think I'll be able to stop."

Jane smiled, "Well maybe I wouldn't want you to." She wrapped her arms around the other woman's waist, pulling them flush together. Maura drew in a sharp breath and closed her eyes, reveling in the sensation of Jane's body pressed against hers once again.

Jane leaned in, her mouth just millimeters away from Maura's.

"Your mother will be back soon. We don't have that much time," whispered Maura, eyes still closed.

The brunette pressed her forehead against Maura's and whispered back, "There's a perfectly good bed next door that I'm pretty sure still belongs to you." She began kissing along Maura's jaw toward her mouth.

"But if she comes back and we're not here, she'll be worried," Maura weakly countered.

Jane pulled back a little and reached into her back left pocket. She typed out a quick text to her mother and pressed send, then slid the phone back into her pants.

"What did you say?" Maura asked.

"'Just FYI, Maura and I are both fine. Don't worry – we'll see you later'," Jane smirked.

Maura groaned. "Jane, she'll know exactly what we're doing."

Jane wrapped her left arm back around Maura and started kissing her jawline again. "Mmm," Jane hummed. "Don't care. Just want to make love to you again."

Maura moaned as Jane's kisses continued along her jawline. "_Jane_," she moaned again.

"Mmhm?" Jane hummed in response as she sucked Maura's earlobe into her mouth.

The dark blonde moaned louder, "Ohhh, I, ohh, this is such a bad idea. Maybe we should stop?"

Jane breathed in Maura's ear. "Do you want me to stop?"

Maura let out a whimper. "But we shouldn't be doing this," she replied softly, though she made no effort to push Jane away.

Jane pulled back to look at Maura, who opened her eyes. There were tears in them.

"I would never make you do something you didn't want to," Jane said softly, afraid she was going to make Maura do something she didn't fully want, or something she'd regret. "Tell me you want me to stop and I will, Maura,"

"I can't tell you that, Jane," Maura choked out.

"Do you want me to keep going?"

"I can't answer that either," Maura whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek, leaving a streak in her makeup.

"Well then what the hell am I supposed to do?" Jane growled in frustration.

"Maybe it would be better right now if I just left? And we continued our conversation later?" Maura whispered, hesitation evident in her voice. Tears were now flowing freely down her cheeks. She stepped around Jane and started toward the door.

Jane whipped around and grabbed Maura's hand, pulling her to spin back around into her arms. "I let you walk away last time. I won't make that mistake again," she growled, pressing her lips to Maura's and kissing her hard until they both pulled back, gasping for air.

* * *

Ok, love? Hate? Besides being short (which is how I prefer to write my chapters, because trust me, I update so much more quickly that way)...


	5. Chapter 5

So a couple of you caught the original uploading of chapter 5, but I decided the morning after posting to take it down because it didn't get much of a reaction. It's okay though, because I didn't like that chapter either. This one's much better and much more like something I'd write. I hope this receives a better response...

Disclaimer: things are heating up.

* * *

"We should probably stop, shouldn't we?" Maura whispered, her forehead still against Jane's.

"Probably. Don't really want to though," Jane whispered back. "Do you?"

"Not really, no," Maura replied.

With those words, Jane captured Maura's lips again. Passion, intense desire, and a feeling of finally feeling whole again drove her on. She backed Maura up to the door and pushed her against it, their bodies smashing together in their desperation to feel one another once more.

After several moments, Jane started to tug down on Maura's yoga pants, but Maura quickly stopped her. "Not here, Jane." She stepped forward, forcing Jane to take a step back, and wrenched open the door behind her. She turned and led Jane through it, and Jane slammed it shut behind them.

Maura led them across the concrete patio to the main house. Jane reached into her back pocket for her keys and quickly found the right fob. As she inserted the key into the doorknob, she pushed Maura up against the door and began kissing the back of her neck, while she fumbled to unlock the door.

Once the door finally unlocked, Maura put her hand over Jane's on the doorknob and helped her twist it open. They stumbled into the house together, with Jane kicking the door closed behind them.

As they entered the open kitchen and living room area, Jane spun Maura around and started kissing her again, pushing her backward toward the stairs. She tossed her keys blindly toward the kitchen island, not caring if they actually landed there or not.

Breaking their kiss, Maura turned around again to lead Jane up the stairs, but Jane pulled her back and pinned her up against the wall beside the stairs. Maura quickly put her hands out in front of her before she came in contact with the wall, trying to soften the impact.

Jane began kissing the back of Maura's neck again and the shorter woman moaned in appreciation. She quickly slid her right hand up to cup Maura's breast through her tight top while the left hand went in the opposite direction to cup Maura between her legs. She pulled her hand up hard, causing Maura to gasp and moan loudly.

"Oh my god!" Maura breathed out in her moan.

"Do you remember the last time I _fucked_ you against this wall?" the brunette growled as she nipped gently at Maura's neck.

"Mmhmm," Maura nodded, remembering how messy it was, but how _good _it had felt.

Jane nipped again and replied, "You made such a mess."

"Take me upstairs, Jane," Maura moaned out. "Please just take me upstairs and fuck me like that again."

Maura turned herself around in Jane's embrace and their mouths crashed together in an almost bruising kiss. She lifted her left leg up to Jane's hip and Jane took hold of it. Jane then moved both of her hands to grip Maura's ass and lifted her up.

The honey blonde wrapped both arms around Jane's neck and lifted her other leg up, wrapping both legs around the brunette's middle. Their lips never parted, nor did their kiss slow.

Gripping Maura tightly, Jane stepped to the right toward the stairs and began making her way up them with the blonde wrapped tightly around her body. Jane broke the kiss so she could pay more attention to the steps and Maura instantly began to suck and nip at her neck, causing Jane to cry out at the mix of pleasure and pain.

When the two reached Maura's bedroom, Jane threw out her arm and flung open the door, returning her hand quickly to its previous position to hold Maura up, and kicked that door shut behind her, just like the side door entering the house.

"Mm, you have no idea how much I have missed this," Maura murmured against the smooth skin of Jane's neck as Jane spun around and put Maura up against the closed bedroom door, Maura's arms still around her neck and legs still wrapped around her waist.

"I was a complete idiot," Jane said quietly, looking up slightly into Maura's eyes. "I should never have let you miss it in the first place."

"No, Jane, you shouldn't have," Maura replied sharply.

"I don't care how long it takes," Jane vowed. "I'll do whatever it takes to make you believe I'm serious this time."

"Good. Now, Jane," Maura growled. "Please shut up and fuck me."

* * *

Please review. I don't know what I'm doing right or wrong unless someone tells me...


	6. Chapter 6

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. *stops laughing* Okay, I'm going to run and hide now.

* * *

Jane then kissed Maura hard and spun them around toward the bed.

Maura unwrapped her legs from around Jane's waist and Jane slowly lowered her down until her feet touched the floor. Maura loosened her arms around Jane's neck and reached down quickly to pull off her top, breaking their kiss momentarily. She dropped the top to the floor.

Jane's hands immediately cupped the now bare breasts, relishing their heavy weight in her hands. "I've missed these," Jane mumbled against Maura's lips. She then slipped her left hand down the smaller woman's torso and underneath the waistband of her stretchy pants, then panties, quickly cupping Maura's center. "I've missed this too," Jane mumbled again.

As Jane's fingers slipped through her soaked folds, Maura moaned loudly against Jane's lips and pushed her pants and panties down over her hips. She broke their kiss and turned around, pushing both garments down all the way to the floor. Stepping out of them, she kicked them both to the side and bent forward, placing both hands on the bed. She turned slightly and looked back expectantly at Jane.

"Fuck," Jane growled in appreciation, placing both hands on Maura's ass and squeezing gently. "I really _was_ an idiot. Your ass looks better than ever, Maur."

"I'm glad you appreciate the view," Maura replied with a smirk.

"I do. I wish I had one of our strap-ons to appreciate this view even more," Jane commented.

Maura grinned and wiggled her ass slightly. "I didn't take them with me when I moved. I actually left them in the combination safe in the closet, so your mother wouldn't stumble across them while cleaning."

The brunette groaned. "Okay, one, don't mention my mother during sex, and two, hold that position."

Jane sprinted the short distance to the walk-in closet and flicked on the light switch. She knelt on one knee in front of the safe and spun the lock around, entering the correct four digit combo. Opening the door, she pulled out a medium-size vinyl bag and dumped the contents on the floor. She grabbed the harness and the largest strap-on and quickly went back to the bedroom.

She re-entered to find Maura sitting on the edge of the bed, now fully clothed again. She stopped dead in her tracks and her arms dropped to her sides in defeat. "You put your clothes back on," Jane stated simply.

"I did. I'm sorry," Maura replied quietly.

"But I thought –" Jane started to speak.

Maura stood up quickly and approached Jane. "Please don't think I don't want this, Jane," she whispered, looking up into Jane's disappointed eyes as she ran her hand down Jane's arm. "Because I do. Very much so, actually."

"But?" Jane replied, looking away.

"But I think it would be better if we took this slower. Things ended terribly between us last time and I...I want to start this differently, normally and out in the open," Maura explained. "Because I don't want there to be an ending this time."

"I don't understand how we did a complete 180 in the last like 60 seconds. What the hell?" Jane growled in frustration, looking back at Maura with her jaw clenched tight.

"I got too carried away just now and I'm sorry. But don't get angry at me. You don't have any right to be angry, Jane," Maura replied softly.

The brunette slumped her shoulders in defeat and tossed the harness and strap-on onto the bed behind Maura with a sigh. "You're right, I don't. I'm sorry. I just...Jesus Christ, Maura. Do you have any idea how much I've missed you? How much I've missed touching you and making love to you? How much I've thought over the last five months about what I could say or do to get you back? Not one good idea ever came to mind. I felt like I'd have to give you the sun and moon to make you love me again."

Maura stepped closer and wrapped her arms around Jane's waist, bringing their hips flush together. "I never stopped loving you, Jane," she replied, her eyes starting to water. "_Never_."

"Then why did you walk away?" Jane asked softly, sad.

"Because you wouldn't give me an honest, _open _commitment to our relationship. I told you as much," Maura explained. "I thought if I walked away, you'd at least come running after me. But you didn't. You didn't come after me at all." She choked up at her last words.

A tear slipped down Maura's cheek and Jane reached up to wipe it away with her thumb, cupping the honey blonde's cheek gently. Her other hand rested on Maura's hip.

"I didn't think you wanted me to," Jane replied. "It seemed like you'd already made up your mind and there was nothing I could do to change it."

"Since when did you give up so easily?" Maura gave a short laugh through her tears.

"Since it involved your happiness...well...I mean, if you were miserable with me, why would I try to make you stay that way?" Jane asked, confused. "If not being with me made you happier, then I'd rather you be happy and me be without you."

"But what about _your_ happiness?" Maura countered.

Jane tightened her arms around Maura. "If you're happy, I'm happy, Maur."

Maura shifted her gaze down and murmured, "I'm not really much happier without you."

Bending her knees to look into Maura's downward gaze, Jane contested, "Well what makes you think I'll make you any happier this time, Maura?"

"Because we won't be hiding anymore," the honey blonde responded simply as Jane stood up straight again and her eyes stayed trained on Jane's face.

"Hiding's out anyway. Ma already knows, so everyone will know we're together," Jane chuckled at first, and then her expression became serious. "That is, _if_ we're together?"

"I want to be. I'm just a little hesitant right now," Maura replied sincerely. "You can't blame me for feeling that way, can you?"

"I guess I can't."

"But if you want to be with me, if you want us to be together, this time you have to do things the right way."

The detective squinted briefly at Maura. "And what's the 'right way' according to Maura Isles?"

Maura smiled and replied, "Oh, I fully expect to be courted properly."

A sigh. "Of course you do."

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Smut's fun and all, but it can get boring and repetitive to write sometimes...  
Hope you all still like...best way to let me know is to review. :3


	7. Chapter 7

Oh hai. Update time.

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Jane and Maura had made plans to have an official first date the following Saturday. They texted and spoke to each other every day up until then. Jane even sent Maura flowers Friday morning, knowing she planned to work from home that day.

Maura had moved into a chic loft apartment on Boylston. It was plenty of room for only her, though she admitted she did feel very lonely at times. It was, after all, a huge change from her Beacon Hill home that was always full of Rizzoli traffic.

Jane had learned that Maura had indeed been teaching a few forensics courses at BCU as an adjunct, as well as working some for her family's foundation. She'd had plenty of things to keep her busy, but yet she still had felt lonely.

Finally Saturday at 6pm arrived and Jane showed up promptly then at Maura's apartment. She found the button labeled 3C and pressed it.

Upstairs, Maura heard the buzzing and rushed quickly to the intercom by the door. "Jane?" she asked.

"Yeah, buzz me in."

Maura pressed a button and downstairs, Jane heard the door in front of her unlock. As she opened the door, she heard Maura's voice through the intercom again. "The elevators are through another door in the lobby on the left, past the mailboxes. The code is 5401."

When the detective arrived upstairs, she knocked gently on Maura's door and it swiftly opened.

The doctor was wearing the seafoam green dress that she'd worn to Jane's high school reunion and was barefoot.

Jane glanced down at her bare feet and slowly looked up the petite woman's body. "You don't have on shoes. I thought you'd taken care of reservations at one of your froo froo restaurants?"

Maura smiled and replied, "I did, originally, but I canceled them yesterday morning because I decided I would rather cook for you."

Stepping closer and wrapping her arms around the honey blonde's waist, Jane replied, "Thought I was supposed to woo you."

"You still must, but I wanted to cook for you anyway. I _like_ cooking for you."

Jane smiled. "You're also wearing the dress you wore to my high school reunion," she commented.

"Yes, is that a problem?" Maura replied with a tilt of her head.

"Nope. But I do look back and think it's funny."

Maura frowned. "You think my dress is funny?"

"No, I think taking you with me to my reunion was funny. People obviously thought we were together. I guess I can't blame them though," Jane reflected. "Who brings their best friend, who's also a woman, to a high school reunion if they aren't together?"

"Well I forced my way into it, to be fair," Maura reasoned. "But I had fun that night, up until, you know."

Jane smiled and leaned in closer. "I wanted to kiss you that night. You just looked so good in that dress and your lips just looked...mmm." She closed her eyes, remembering.

Maura licked her lips. "You groped my breasts though."

"I did not!" the brunette shot back, eyes opening in a flash.

Maura grinned. "Yes, you did. You wrote 'geek' on a name tag and stuck it against my chest. You touched me once, sticking it on, and then touched me again for no reason."

Tilting her head, Jane thought back. "Oh. That wasn't intentional though. I think I was just making sure the tag stuck."

"Well not consciously, no, but you wanted me even then, didn't you?"

Jane raised an eyebrow. "Would you shut up and let me kiss you?"

"You are so uncou—mph!" Maura started to reply before the brunette quickly pressed her lips to Maura's. She then leaned into the kiss, lifting up on her tiptoes and wrapping her arms around Jane's neck, so that Jane didn't have to lean over quite as much. Their lips slipped and slid together for several moments before Maura pulled away. "Good evening, Detective," she purred.

"It is indeed good, Doctor," Jane smoothly responded, lifting one eyebrow.

Maura put her hand on Jane's bicep and reverently caressed the bare flesh with her thumb, stepping back from the woman and starting to turn toward the kitchen.. "Would you like a beer or some wine?"

The other eyebrow rose to become even with Jane's other. "You have beer?" she asked in surprise.

Blushing, Maura looked down. "I bought your favorite beer when I went grocery shopping the other day."

Jane noticed the redness on Maura's neck and chest. It looked like..."No, you didn't. You're breaking out in hives." She stepped forward to Maura and gently caressed the other woman's flushed neckline with a solitary finger.

This time, Maura flushed from embarrassment. "Okay, I did buy some when grocery shopping, but it wasn't the other day."

"When did you buy it?"

Maura continued avoiding the brunette's eyes. "Every time I missed you terribly, I would buy a pack and drink one or two at a time until they were gone."

Jane trailed her fingers up Maura's chest and neck to cup her jaw. Maura's eyes fluttered shut and she leaned into the touch.

In a husky, low voice, full of emotion, Jane replied, "I shouldn't have done that to you, to us." She leaned closer to her, their breaths mingling together. "I am so, so sorry, baby. I really am." Hot tears sprung to Jane's eyes as she lifted Maura's chin, and the blonde opened her eyes slowly, tears welled up in them already.

A shudder racked through Maura's chest and her bottom lip quivered. "I just want you to fix what you broke, Jane."

One tear slipped down her rosy cheek and Jane quickly thumbed it away. "I want to. I told you I want this, with you. And one day, if you'll have me, I do want to marry you and later, if you want, we can have mini Maura nuggets running around. I want it _all_ with you. I know that now."

More tears began to flow from hazel eyes.

"Oh baby, no. Don't cry. Please. I don't want you to cry," Jane panicked. "I've already caused you to cry too much."

Maura laughed lightly through her tears and wiped her cheeks with her fingers. "I'm crying because I just – I _am_ happy, now that we're speaking again. I've just missed having my best friend around so much and I never thought I'd hear you say those words."

Jane frowned. "And I never thought I'd say them," she confessed. "But I mean them. You're the only one I've ever wanted the whole package with, ok?"

The doctor pressed her lips against Jane's and kissed her slowly for several seconds. "Let me go check my makeup, okay? Grab yourself a beer and make yourself at home."

Pulling the woman back against her body, Jane pressed a light kiss to her temple. "You look beautiful regardless, but go ahead."

Maura slipped away across the room into her bathroom, gently closing the door behind her.

Jane watched the woman's hips sway as she crossed the room and a shiver ran down her spine. She sighed softly before turning toward the open kitchen, which looked similar in arrangement to Maura's Beacon Hill home. She grabbed a beer from the fridge and took a stab at which drawer had a bottle opener. It was in the same drawer it would be in Beacon Hill.

Bingo.

She chuckled to herself. "Creature of habit." She tossed the cap onto the counter and put the opener beside it. Leaning back against the counter, Jane looked around the open space. It was exactly the kind of apartment she'd expected Maura to have, if she didn't have an actual house to live in.

Except she did have a house, a home, in fact.

Just then, the bathroom door opened and a freshened Maura emerged, turning off the light as she exited and closed the door behind her.

"Are you going to move back home?" Jane asked suddenly before she could stop herself.

The other woman stopped in her tracks, the question catching her by surprise. It took her a second to realize that Jane meant her Beacon Hill home and not the loft apartment. To her, the property in Beacon Hill was very much still home, but more Rizzoli than Isles. Being there, even for only a day and a half after she and Jane broke up, with the ghosts of her and Jane's lovemaking surrounding her, had been too much to handle. But now...

"I still have another six months on my lease here," she replied, resuming her progression toward the kitchen and the brunette.

"What about subletting this place?"

Maura blinked and took a breath, leaning against the island in the kitchen, across from Jane.

"C'mon, Maur. I know you managed to negotiate that as part of your lease on this place. You always prepare for everything."

"Yes, it's possible," she conceded quietly as she stepped closer.

Jane reached out her hand toward the honey blonde and Maura took the few remaining steps forward to connect their hands. Jane tugged her in closer and set her beer on the counter before placing both hands on Maura's hips. "I know a lot has happened in the past week. I'm not trying to pressure you. But if we're both serious about getting back together..." Her voice trailed off. "I know you have plenty of money, Maur, but I can't imagine this place is cheap and you undoubtedly still have a mortgage you're paying for monthly, too, right?"

Maura nodded.

"Well, I just...you don't have a reason to avoid going home now, right? We're talking again, dating even, and if you're hesitant because you think I'm going to change my mind, then you should know that you are officially stuck with me now. You're not going to be able to get rid of me this time. So when you're ready, move back home. Please. I've missed you and I know my family has missed you too."

The blonde's forehead wrinkled in slight confusion. "How did you suddenly become so good at this?"

"At what?"

"Talking about relationships."

Jane shrugged. "When you think you've lost the love of your life and then somehow, miraculously, get her back, you change whatever you know you fucked up before to make it work the second time."

Maura smiled. "I'm impressed. You've gained a lot of insight." She poked the other woman lightly in the ribs.

The detective shrugged again, replying, "It's nothing really," before picking up her beer and taking a sip.

"Oh, but it is something," Maura countered, smiling again. "It is something very big, in fact."

Jane wrinkled her nose briefly and changed the subject. "So. Dinner. I'm starving."

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